darkness AKA depression {a short story}

Depression is real. I know, because I’ve faced it. And I know others who have too. The following is a fictional account of what many of us are feeling… If you’re feeling something like this, reach out. Send the text. Talk to someone. I know it’s hard to believe, but there is light. Ask someone to help you see it.

I tried the self-talk
I tried the meds
I tried just dragging myself out of bed every day and pretending it didn’t exist

But the darkness followed me

You didn’t know, because I smiled
I covered the dark circles with makeup and my Facebook wall with nice things
You didn’t know because I didn’t want you to know

You didn’t know that when I got home after the movie
I sat in front of the mirror and cried, just to see the mascara run
Because the black streaks looked the way I felt

You didn’t know that when I called in sick last week
I lay there, coughing and wondering if anything was really wrong with me
Because sometimes I can’t sort out truth from lies

You didn’t know that when I joked about needing a nap
I had gone to sleep at seven the night before and gotten plenty of rest
Because it’s not sleep deprivation, it’s depression

You didn’t know any of it
And you still don’t
But I need you to

So I tap out a text:
I would do anything to escape this darkness
My thumb hovers over the send button

Then, without hardly knowing it
I touch it
Send

I wait
An eternity
And wonder why I bothered you

I should stop bothering people
Free them up to live their happy lives
Without this sad “friend” dragging them down.

The text comes in silently
My phone is always on silent when I’m alone
You’ll get thru this

I wish it were that easy
To just leave the darkness
You think I can, but I can’t

Another text
I know you can, because I have
Come over…we can talk about it

I didn’t know
You suffered in silence too
Here I thought I was alone

Those two little text messages
Make a world of difference
They let in a sliver of light

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photo credit Mark Newhouse

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