mama’s body

mama’s thirtieth birthday was special
but what I remember most isn’t the golden crown, cake, or icecream
what I remember most is mama’s body

mama’s body, great with child
I thought it was beautiful
and I knew it was a miracle

I remembered being three
when mama told me she couldn’t carry babies
her body rebelled against her desires

but God crafted a miracle
through a little girl’s prayer (my prayer)
and gave not just one, but two babies

the first came when mama was twenty-seven
the next, two weeks after mama’s thirtieth birthday
two sisters for the girl who was supposed to be alone

three daughters for a mama whose body
rebelled against her desires
this body that seemed too weak to carry a baby, carried three

and continues to carry them
at first, she carried us in her womb
then in her arms

she still carries us
even though so often our bodies are far from hers
she carries us in her heart

sometimes I hate my body
it’s weak, and that isn’t its only flaw
some of its flaws were inherited from mama

…inherited from mama…
my body came from hers
perhaps mine could be as beautiful as hers

I look at my body again and smile
because my body came from my mama’s
and mama’s body is beautiful

God Strengthens Those He Calls

photo courtesy of Justice For All

This year I’ve learned that when God asks us to do something, He provides the strength to do it.

It was hard to uproot myself and move to a new place a year ago, but the JFA team welcomed me with open arms and helped me to transition into this season of my life. God has shown Himself faithful, empowering me to do what I couldn’t do alone. For example, giving me the discernment to balance love and truth with a hurting student named Blake at the end of a tiring day of outreach at UCLA…

{click here to continue reading my most recent newsletter}

You can read past newsletters here

for the mothers without children in their arms

{originally published on Heavenly Princess}

When a mother loses a child – through abortion, miscarriage, foster care, or something else – the pain is real…and lasting. My heart goes out to those mothers today.

I’m a mother too
No one knows
And the people who once knew have forgotten
Maybe they think I want them to forget
Maybe they think I’ve forgotten
Maybe I want to
But I can’t
How can a mother forget her child?

I remember
When I see a child the age of the one I don’t have
When I wake in the night and my baby isn’t there
When I least expect it
I remember

I am not alone
We are among you
Hiding in plain sight
Beside you in the classroom
Behind you in church
Before you at work

If you know one of us
If you haven’t forgotten
But think we have
Know that we haven’t
And please
Let us know you haven’t either
Because we are mothers too

  

a dad like you

48 years ago yesterday
was God thinking of me?

on that day when my grandparents heard the good news
that a healthy baby boy was born to them
did they know that 25 years later
he would be my daddy?

did anyone but God know
that I would need a dad like you?

a daddy whose baby girl didn’t want to be held close
who would hold her anyway
pacing, holding her out in front of him
late into the night

a daddy whose little girl seemed to want to be anywhere but home
who would give her a loving home anyway
a steady home, a safe haven
she could always return to

a daddy whose teenage girl wasn’t sure what she wanted
who would give her what she needed anyway
encouraging her gifts and talents
and feeding her passions

a daddy whose grown-up girl all of a sudden launched into the unknown
who was left holding an empty bow
smiling and proud, knowing this was the moment
he’d been preparing her for

a daddy who followed God
and in so doing
was exactly the daddy He wanted him to be

I pray one day I have a little girl
who is blessed enough
to have a dad like you

JFA and Me: What’s Next?

the next step of my journey with JFA

Never say never! A year ago I thought there was no way I would move to Wichita to work for Justice For All (JFA), but I’ve been here volunteering full-time for five months. And now the JFA leadership and I have decided that a year-long, paid internship is in my near future! I can’t do this alone! At the end of the letter I will share how you can participate in this exciting next step. But first, I’d like to share six of the lessons God has taught me as He’s brought me to this point.

{click here to continue reading my most recent newsletter}

You can read past newsletters here